I’ve reached a wall. I am absolutely (seemingly permanently) exhausted and unable to sustain the level of activity that I was just a few months ago. Blood tests have shown I’m anaemic again and I’m duly on ridiculous amounts of daily iron but my energy levels are still firmly in my boots. Six weeks in and they seem to be making no difference so it’s back to the doctors next week. My training has been reduced from 6 days a week to barely 3 last week and none at all this week, I’ve been cancelling plans left, right and centre and having to have ‘rest breaks’ after everything I do. I’m feeling annoyed that I can’t get to the gym, guilty that I keep letting down friends and like a shitty parent that my most repeated phrase at the moment is some variation of ‘ please, just give me a minute.’ It is so frustrating!
I write this not to complain or to elicit sympathy but mostly because I just need an outlet. Me and the kids walked to town this morning (2 miles), did some shopping and walked back. And it knocked me for six. Usually, walking that distance would be completely unmentionable, a non event. But now I’m sitting in bed, writing this and feeling shattered. Luckily, the kids have been entertained with a paddling pool and up until the peace dissolved, I could hear the sounds of their shrieks of laughter through the open door. So at least they’re not being adversely affected by my pathetic-ness! I’m just hoping some rest and an early night will put me in a good place for a trip to one of our beautiful local beaches in the morning.
I’m not even sure why I’m publishing this but I guess I have two thoughts. Firstly, so friends know why I’m being so damn flakey at the moment. I’m sorry guys, bear with me and hopefully I’ll be back to normal in no time. I’m having to prioritise work and the stuff the kids really want to do and everything else (including the gym, sob!) is having to wait for now. If you see photos of us out and about having fun in the great outdoors, chances are that I’ll be resting for the rest of the day at the moment. Secondly, I have so much admiration for people living full time with disabilities or chronic illness. Especially those with children. I have no idea how you manage to find your balance. If I’ve ever crossed paths with you and not understood/respected your limitations, please accept my sincere apologies.
I feel so grumpy and out of sync. I never get ill and this year, I don’t seem to be able to recover every time I get a bug. But such is life I guess.
Finally, I did want to publicly thank Dan for once again, being an amazing husband and father. Despite his own health challenges, he is continuing to go above and beyond in supporting my recovery. Right now he’s whisking the kids off to the beach for a few hours so I can get some uninterrupted rest. Thanks babe, I don’t know what I’d do without you!
(P.S Apologies for the Eeyore post and the cheesy ending, I wouldn’t usually publish something like this but I figured it’s good to be transparent about the not so good as well as the good (to a certain extent). )
the starlings gather here 